Facing Reality

Her mind racing, head pounding, body shaking, she resorted to the blade again.
This is her last resort. She doesn't want to hurt the ones that care about her, but this time there's no turning back; she has to. The only relief she has left.
As she fumbles around looking for her hidden blade, she finds it in a small box underneath her bed. Through her shaky breath, she whispers to herself, "I'll only do it one time. Once." She can't afford to get in trouble again. She doesn't want to hurt the ones she loves. This addiction is not only ruining her life, but also worrying the others around her to no end, and she hates it. Why do I cause everyone so much pain and hurt all the time...? She wondered. Without thinking, she held the blade to her wrist. She looked up at her ceiling, being blurred by her tears, and slowly slid it across her flesh. It wasn't too bad, not deep at all. But that wasn't enough for her.
She moved to her other arm, for one final cut. "This will be the last one.... I promise." She said.
She looked up again, this time pressing the blade down as hard as she can against her other wrist. Faster than she could think, she slid it across. She looked down, horrified.
"Oh... God.. No....." Blood was spewing everywhere. This was much worse than she had imagined. She didn't want this, she didn't want to die. She hated watching herself bleed, she hates blood. But she always found herself going back to the blade, like it was her best friend.
So many things were running through her mind, her arm losing all feeling. All she could feel was the warmth of her blood dripping all over her body onto the floor. She got up to make her way to the bathroom, but everything started fading black. She really did it this time. She cut too deep, like she promised herself she never would.
While laying on the ground, she didn't dare to look at her arm again; she'd pass out.
"Stay.... Stay awake...." She clenched her fists. "You can do this," She told herself. "YOU ARE NOT. READY. TO DIE."
But it was too late. She couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. She knew this was it, and there was not one damn thing she could do about it. "I love you..." She whispered, referring to her boyfriend. "I'm.. so sorry.. I.. I didn't mean to, I..promised......"
And that was it.
She was gone.

The next day, her parents found her, when they had gotten home from work. She was on the floor in her room, dry blood covering her arm and the floor next to her.
She ended up cutting an artery, and bled to death. The only thing they found with her body was a note, written with her blood on a drawing she had laying nearby. "I'm sorry..." It read.

Sorry.
For everything.

_{I accidentally cut really deep last night, deeper than I wanted to cut, ever. And it scared me, and got me thinking.
I don't want to die yet. I'm too young. I can't die yet. It'd upset everyone.
Plus, the future does get better.
But for those of you who can relate, and self harm, I know you say you want to die.
But do you truly? There's so much to live for.
Things will get better.
And if one night, you make the mistake of cutting too deep, you could get yourself killed. Or you could go through with suicide..There's no turning back, no second chances. And you won't get to see things that get better if you do that.
sorry this is sad but it made me realize a lot}